Nevertheless, I keep looking for the truth in the midst of the crisis.
Wait! Finally I have begun to understand something:
I have the right to be happy,
and in order to get that, I must love myself;
and the easiest way to learn how to love myself is by going deeply in my soul and talking to God without masks, and also by doing a daily exercise of falling in love with God and -somehow- also with myself; off course, without becoming narcissist.
How to fall in love with God? I think that there several ways to do this: by talking to Jesus as if he were really besides me (actually he is really besides me); by praying common prayers, but being consciuos of every word I say; by reading the bible; by reading spiritual texts writing by someone who, I know, has already made a good way in the spiritual world and has real words of wisdom; and also by saying positive things to myself every day, like for example: "I'm worthy", "I have the right to be happy", "I can be always better", "I'm able to do whatever I want just because God has given me so many gifts and abilities to succeed in life", "Life is beautiful if I make it beautiful".
I am convinced now, more than ever, that if I can achieve this (loving myself, and falling in love with God) I'll be happy and in peace; and I'll be able to love others and make those others happy. Crazy? For many people it could sound crazy, but I really don't care much about that. The point is that right now, these ideas make a lot of sense to me.
God is love... God loves me... God loves you. Let's make the experience.